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What Should You Do If Your Husband Looks at Porn?

“Last night I walked in on my husband viewing porn. This isn’t the first time this has happened. I feel so violated—like I could never share my body with him again. Why should I, anyway? I could never compete with porn!” If your husband has been involved with pornography, you know the feeling of betrayal in discovery. You question everything: his love for you, your de...

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I'm a Christian, in Love, but Not Sexually Attracted. Am I Broken?

Part of the outreach of Authentic Intimacy is fielding people’s real questions through email and at our events. Over the years, certain questions are asked again and again. Among other common questions, people want to know if masturbation is a sin, how to get past sexual trauma, and how to navigate sexual addiction. But lately, I’m getting asked a new question. It’s about &ldq...

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When You're Attracted to Someone Who's Not Your Spouse

The stereotype of an adulterous affair in marriage has typically been the picture of a cheating husband. The man has a one-night stand on a business trip or falls in love with his secretary. I guess it never occurred to us that for every cheating man, there must also be a cheating woman. Relationship expert Bonnie Eaker Weil reported on ABC’s 20/20 her findings that more than 50 percen...

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Does Your Husband Need Sex?

In many marriages (but not all), sexual intimacy is very high on a husband’s list. In books like William Harley’s His Needs, Her Needs, sex is listed as the number one thing a husband needs in marriage. Many men would nod in agreement and tell their wives in so many words that they need sex; however, I’ve never known of a man to die because he didn’t have it. I’...

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Masturbation: Is It Wrong?

Because my job is to talk to women about sex, there are few questions I haven't heard and haven't answered. However, there is one common question that I don't like to answer. Is it ok to masturbate? This question is a bit complicated because the Bible never mentions masturbation. I’m fairly certain that even in biblical times, masturbation was something Christians wondered ...

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Where Do You Run When Marriage Gets Lonely?

It’s one thing to be lonely when you are single, wondering if and when God will ever bring the right guy. It’s another matter for your heart to ache with loneliness when the “right guy” is living in your home and sleeping in your bed. If this is your reality, please know that you are not alone. Behind the façade of busyness and “family life,” many marr...

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How to Deal with Porn Struggles When Dating

Dear Juli, I'm currently in a season of singleness, but I've had two serious relationships with godly guys before this. Both (not right away) admitted to struggling/having struggled with pornography. At first, I was shocked and a little disgusted. Talking to them, they admitted they'd never met a man who hadn't dealt with this battle and it opened my eyes. I realize now we li...

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What's OK in the Bedroom?

Since I speak and write books on sex, I get asked questions—a lot of questions. The most common questions relate to "what's okay in the bedroom?" Questions like: Is oral sex okay? What about anal sex? Is it wrong to role play with my husband? Is it okay that my husband likes to spank me? Do you think sex toys are wrong? What's wrong with a married couple watching porn to...

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What's the Purpose of Marriage?

Recently, a newly wed friend asked me this question. “What’s the purpose of marriage? Sometimes I think of it as free sex and housekeeping. Is marriage just an arrangement of living off my husband financially in exchange for taking care of a home and making meals?” From a purely pragmatic perspective, my friend is right. Marriage is an arrangement of bartering goods and ser...

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A Secret for the Guys

Every day we hear from men who desperately want help and encouragement for their wives. Most commonly, they complain that their wives are not interested in sexual intimacy. Many of these messages end with pleas like “Help me! What can I do to help her understand my needs?” While most of my work is with women, today I want to share a secret with the men. It is the same secret that...

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